I am back!

Well, I am back to the blog world. Life has been crazy to say the least. I am trying to use this outlit once again to say whatever, whenever, and to whomever is reading it. In this last year since my post God has shown me so much. I have learned a ton about women and babies, about loving the unloveable. Did I get it right, not every time, yet I am still learning and growing. My leadership is rising and my flesh is decreasing. I have witness a child being born into this world in April 2010, it was the most incredible thing ever. 


Last year my family was blessed with a foster child who will be adopted very soon. He is a joy in my life along the many miles between us. I graduated from college in May! Whoot whoo it was one of the best days of my life. HANDS DOWN. I became a Aunt a few weeks ago, to Thomas James. 


Life has been very good to me. I have had time on my hands and trying to be very productive with my creative side and trying to get things organized. I am also back working hard on getting healthy. I took a challenge on Facebook of a friend who is doing a 10 lb Holiday Weight Loss Challenge. So, as of three weeks I have lost 7 lbs. I am ALMOST there and it is not even Thanksgiving! I am pressing on. God is good ALL the time God is good.

Being a mom (week one)!

In my first week of being a house mom you could say that I am learning a lot! This first week has been busy week of getting unpacked, cleaning, organizing, already one trip (five hour) trip to the hospital and finding myself around this new town. I didn't know if I would be equipped since I haven't even had a baby or have been pregnant to understand and care for others. I think God has given me the ability to do what I am doing and surround me with the people who will help guide me. I am super excited and already believe that I am making a difference in my new home. I am grateful for this opportunity to be apart of something bigger than myself.

Next Chapter of My Life

It has been a while since my last post, a few months really. SO, thank you Rachel for asking for an update on here, I know at least I have one blog follower.


I do want to share that while life is busy one of the things going on was I have had some major health issues (they have all been resolved) and so my focus has been on other things. I can honestly say that I think I have a clean bill of health now, from brain MRI to Steroid Shot to many cavities, including a wisdom tooth pulled to skin testing for allergies to seeing a podiatrist to well, the list goes on. In addition I have also had a major postive thing going on in my life including the next chapter of my life....


“A scientist puts 3 rats in a tub of water to see how long they could swim before they drowned. The rats treaded water for about 4 hours and two of them drowned. Before the third one went down, the scientist pulled him out, dried him off and gave him a few days to rest up. A week later he conducted the same experiment using the same rat and two new ones. Around the 4 hour mark, the two new ones succumbed to fatigue and drowned, but the other one kept swimming. And swimming. And swimming. He swam for 2 days! Hope is a powerful thing. No, the story isn’t pleasant, but the meaning behind it is. Deep in the depths of all of our Princess hearts, there lies HOPE. Even those who are cynical (Gene, are you reading?) still have hope lurking somewhere. Hope that someone, just one person will prove them wrong. It only takes a little encouragement to bring Hope alive again. I’ve found this out recently for myself. Just a few actions from another person brought hope (and love) flaring to life again, and that feeling is exhilarating. Faith, Hope and Love are the three strongest forces in the universe. Hope makes us dream bigger, hope keeps our hearts soft when things around us are too much to bear. Hope says don’t just look with your eyes, look with your heart.” Keeping a Princess Heart: In a Not so Fairy Tale World. Nicole Johnson


In the last few years I have been the swimming rat and I have held on to the hope that I am dreaming for big dreams. Specifically in this last year I was very open to wherever God has for me. In the last few years I was in a different place and for the first time in a very long time I was willing and trusting Him on my journey (even if that was back in ministry). Yes, at one time I told God NEVER again will I work in Ministry, oops had to revisit that one (and never say never to the big guy)! Along with this in the last few months I have been frustrated with my job (don't get me wrong I love my job but I did not feel that I am impacting people in the capacity I could). I was then reminded that life is short and it had me think about what am I doing with my life right now. I want to do a job that I am passionate about and LOVE. Well, God is the dream-maker and I am going to be embracing another chapter of my life this week. I am moving in just a few days to become a house-mom to unwed mothers at a Christian home. I am beyond excited and know that this job during this time is for me.


I can't wait for the next chapter of my life, so as I say goodbye to the town that I have known for nine years, I can't wait to see what God is going to do and how he is going to use me.

2008

It is strange to think that this year is almost over and another one is just about to begin. As I reflect over this year it was over all a good year from me. God is constantly faithful to me and I am amazed at His constant love and grace for my life.


This year Alex turned 16 years old and Jamie got engaged. My family also had two little foster girls that join my family. They also had a baby sister that was placed for several weeks. The girls are now transitioning back to their biological parents. I can't imagine life without the girls however they will always have a special place in our family. I am so grateful for my family and the love that they have for me. I am so amazingly blessed.


My job continues to stay busy and we have lots of transitions right now. School has given me perspective with work related issues. I am grateful for the classes that have helped me understand work stuff. School this year was difficult and I was ready to quit! I was just overwhelmed with “life” and grateful for the staff at school who helped encouraged me to keep going. I am ready to graduate and grateful that it is just another step closer than last year.


I continued to get healthy and made so many changes to my new lifestyle changes. I was nominated by three of my co-workers for the Employee Wellness Program Award. I didn't win however it was awesome to be nominated and to know that I have impacted others for I ended up being the fifth place winner over all at our Biggest Loser at work. I also received a cash prize of $45 that was money pooled by the employees in the contest. I have found two amazing co-workers who were on my team. I am so appreciative of both these awesome women. We are doing this together and it helps to have a support system.


My girls from college spent one amazing weekend in the spring at a cabin in Indiana. It was very refreshing to getaway with the girls and we are already making plans for 2009 as our annual "Girls Weekend".
I helped my best friend, Josie get ready for a big Sweet Sixteen B-day party. Shawnee is a beautiful, amazing, fun girl. It was so much fun to spend the entire day with Josie and get ready. The overnighter was lot of teen drama but lots of fun!
I have also reconnected to old friends from Jr. High, High School and College. That has been amazing to hear where people are at now. I feel like I honestly have more friends than one could ever wish or dream for. I also met a few new friends this year and had a few dates. The dating has been fun/hard but it has been good to figure out how to be my true self with guys. I am starting to finally feel comfortable with myself and the confidence in myself, helps. Who know if love will find me or if I already found it? Only God knows and his timing is perfect.


This year ended with a big KICK OFF since I saw the Rockets. My Uncle took me and his granddaughters to the Fox Theater in St. Louis. This was my first time and what an experience. We had the owners tickets and it was awesome.


When I reflect on this past year I am ready for this year to end. It gives me hope for another year to begin. I think this year will be an adventure. Hopefully you will have the adventure of you life this year also! Happy New Year to you and your family.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve 2009


It is hard for me to think of not spending the evening with my family this year. It has been for the last 22 years that I have spent the evening with my Aunt & Uncle and family. We normally have dinner and exchange gifts. About this time my family heads to the United Methodist Church that I grew up in. It is an amazing candle light service and I some how always feel a little closer to my Grandma and Grandpa looking at the pew we sat in every Sunday. I miss them dearly. It was because of the weather I made a decision that took over an hour to stay home. I spent the day finishing wrapping, watching movies, and baking. I normally do not get to hang out in my PJ's all day long but today I did. The weather is suppose to be better tomorrow. I am headed out early as possible. I am excited to see my family and spend much needed time with them. Merry Christmas to you.

Chuck was my goal!

I have always been a fan of converse shoes. It started in Jr. High I had two pairs and wore them to death. I had another pair in High School and as an adult I had a pair but they were not the classic "Chucks". I had a goal that when I lost 35lbs I would get a new pair......and so ladies and gentlemen...the goal has been met and the shoes have been on my feet for a week now! I will continuing to loose weight and my goal is 20lbs by the end of the year and 30 by May 2009. I am finding that I am embracing these new life style changes and every day is a new day......it is one step at a time!

Internet Fraud

I didn't really think it could happen....but this week it happened to me. I am a victim of Internet fraud.


Monday: I had a Dr. appointment and went home sick after I was done. When I woke up I went to see if my professor emailed me back. I noticed that I received an email from Pay Pal stating that $100 had been deducted and transferred to another company. I thought at first it was a "spoof" email...but as I was on the phone with Pay Pal...I checked my bank. It was pending as a charge, I knew that I did not make the charge. [I had not been on Paypal since Friday, I opened my Pay Pal at work on Friday, but did not transfer any funds. I ran out of time and thought I would wait until over the weekend.] I was told to call the company, Penny Talk who deducted the money to work it out on my own. Of course they were closed! I called my bank and cancelled my debit card and changed all of my passwords. The bank told me that I had to wait until I posted to my account.


Tuesday: I called Pennytalk they were so helpful {enter sarcasm here}. They told me to call Pay Pal. I called Paypal, they told me to file a dispute (thanks, I could have done that the day before). i filed the dispute and while I was on the phone with PennyTalk I noticed that the charges were suppose to come out every month for $100. I was on the phone for 1 hour with both companies. I called my bank to see if it had posted...it had not.


Wednesday: The debt posted to my checking. I called Paypal and they were still waiting to here from Penny Talk. I had other charges deducted (that I made) and my account was starting to go in the RED, they were tacking on $35 over draft charges. I filed a dispute with Visa with my bank. I was given the advice to contact the local police department. I printed off all documentation and was at the station for an hour.


Thursday: My account is big time messed up!! I was waiting and waiting but I never heard any thing...so I called my bank again and asked for a letter stating what happened. I wanted to have that for my records. I was also told to contact the Attorney General. I have every intention to do that tomorrow. I have to contact the bank and police. I am glad that tomorrow is pay day!

Moving Foward

In my so called "romance life" if you can even call it that, I often find myself in the end with a broken heart and trying to move forward. It is painful getting attached to people as I normally do. I can tell you in the past moving forward isn't as easy as people think it should have been for me. Until the last year, I think it is because for the first time in my life I see what God has in store for me. I have often felt that God may have heard my prayers but I need to attach my Social Security Number at the end of every prayer (uh, I am kidding). I finally made the decision to stop all communication with a former ex. It was extremely hard the first couple of months but he had moved on and was dating someone else. 


I was just grateful he was not in the same town or state. I made the decision for my sanity to tell him that I was done and no more communication. He sort of respected my wishes, and finally left me alone. Weeks turned into months and I was starting to finally find freedom in the pain he caused. The lies he told me and the toxic web he left me in. Now, my part in it is that I knew he was a toxic man, but I wanted to be wanted. It was just like any other abusive relationship where you hear the women stay...because they love him. That was me, except now I know that I didn't love him....I loved the thought of him. I loved the idea of him.....as a different man. The man I knew he had potential to become is what I loved. He contacted me a few months ago and I decided to do something that the old me would have never done. I did not read his email in fact I deleted it before I read it.


I was so proud...and I felt that I for the first time was moving truly forward. I did email him a response to let him know that from the title that all of his belongings were donated to charity. I thought it had been over a year and I needed to use my space. It was kind of ironic that I got rid of his stuff and now he was looking for it all of the sudden. He responded to my email and I once again deleted it, the boy doesn't get boundaries. I am so grateful that I am moving forward. I pray that God continues to heal my past. I am reassured that He knows my future.

Who wants a clean house?

I have been watching Clean House for about a year it is one of my favorite shows. It has inspired me to get rid of stuff! If you haven't seen Clean House...you gotta check it out!

In the words of Niecy Nash...."There is a whole lot of foolishness going on here!"..and so I clean.

My landlord was needing the spear closet in the hallway (I have used since I moved in, full of garage sale stuff). I haven't had a yard sale yet! I thought ok, spring time will come and it will be the time to dig out stuff. I started a few months ago..and it has been a project. I do not like living messy, and for months it has been messy...trying to get rid of stuff.

A few weeks ago on a Saturday morning I loaded up Josie's truck and went to the Mission here in town. It was great knowing that the profits would return to town.

It feels good to get rid of stuff. Nicey would be so proud....she would say "OOooooooohh That's what I'm talking about."

I'm 33 for moment

I have struggled with the last few days of knowing, today I was turning 33, don't get me wrong..I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY(S) but this was hard. I thought I would be in a very different place in my life, on so many levels. I haven't reached my goals and dreams. I think of Brody, turning 15 yesterday. I think about his life and where he at and the amazing young man he is becoming. I think of all the time he has left at home and sharing each day with my family. I start to think about how of all the four boys, we have known him for each of his birthday.
I start to reflect about my life and where I was at 15 years. What happened during those years who my friends were, school, and plans for the future. That leads me to down the memory land of where I am at today. In a blink of an eye....it doesn't seem like that long. Just yesterday, I was 15 years old.
This morning, I was getting ready and a familiar song came on. I have heard and loved this song over the last few years. I started singing it.....I didn't realize what I was really singing. Each lyric rolled off my tongue. I sang..."I'm 33 for this moment" wait, I AM 33, right now, today, for this moment.
Five for Fighting
"100 Years"

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy,
Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you 15,
there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Time tics on by as if it meant something. Marking eternity is all; it is always right NOW, and in a moment it will be a new NOW. If you think there is only so much time to live then you are living in time. We are timeless and are only vacationing here believing we are this body and identity. It's a fun for a while, or it can be tragic sad story; choose whatever genre of film you like. Or perhaps you came here to pay a debt? An eye for an eye is the law, or will you choose to forgive and live in Grace? So many choices of what to believe in or better yet you can choose to believe in not believing. It's a predicament for sure. One thing I can tell you with complete confidence and abandonment. Love will open any door, it will guide your life in ways your mind cannot. If you like joy, then listen to Love and follow Love without fear. Open your heart even if it hurts, and threatens to destroy who you think you are. The worm cannot become a butterfly without transforming itself. Allow Love to have its way with you. If you think you are 15 then enjoy the ride. If you think you are 33 have fun. May as well enjoy, but if you try to wring every ounce of life out of life the warning sign is there to show you your fear of dying. No one really dies, but man what a drama; Wow how scary is the idea of not existing anymore? What would that be like to be erased? What can be even more scary is what if life just keeps going on? What will you do
then? Maybe you will want to take a vacation again.

Home-sick!

I do not like being sick! The older that I get the more I detested it. I find myself wanting to call home when I don't feel good. You would think at my age that I would suck it up. I wish that feeling of "homesick" would go away when I don't feel good, but it doesn't. I was sick over the weekend and went home from work yesterday and slept all afternoon! I called my professor and told him I would not be attending class, I really don't like being in class, especially the first night!
I went back to bed and finally broke down and called home. It really helped, I don't know what it is about talking to my Momma Kay, but she helps me feel better. I was able to talk to Lexi Lou and here is our conversation:
"You sick" Lexi Lou
"Yeah, I am sick" Me
"You go to the doctor?" Lexi Lou
"No, I am just going to take some medicine and go to bed" Me
"Oh, (long pause) you take medicine and go to bed" Lexi Lou
Not sure what it was about that little voice, but it made me smile. I think maybe that little girl prayed for me because I am doing so much better! It made my home sick, a little better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning I woke up LATE but I woke up feeling so much better. I was still a little tired but I didn't feel so horrible like I did for the past few days. I started taking this allergy pill my boss told me about, and WOW it works! I feel so much better. I was glad to go to work, I did forget however that I had an unofficial weigh-in today! YIKES, I totally forgot. I was excited and impressed with myself. Proud that my hard work and healthy eating was working! I was a little frustrated that I missed a few work-outs for being sick over the weekend. I am doing very well and my team is doing well, also! That is so encouraging! I know we can win, and I WILL BE THE BIGGEST LOSER!

First Love

It seems like yesterday I was chasing a boy on the school play ground. I had a huge crush on a blond headed boy. His name was Chris Lang. Our mother's were in the hospital together when we born. We started pre-school together through the third grade. Like many guys in my life, I doubt he ever knew that I was "In Love" with him. As always, my girlfriends knew my burning "5 year old" desire for Chris. I changed schools in 4th grade......but, still no one I would love more than Chris. I hadn't thought about him in years......until this year.

Christmas Eve he shows up at my Christmas with my family! It was weird to hear his name, to see him. I forgot that he is friends with my cousin. It took me about two hours to talk to him...of course it was when he was leaving. We talked about where we lived, jobs, you know the "Adult Conversation Stuff" nothing major, deep, or asking him if he wanted to swing or color. Funny how God will allow peoples paths to cross again.

Happy New Year!!

I can't believe that it is the year 2008!!! I mean where does the time go? I think it may have to do with getting older? I remember when I was younger. New Years Eve was such a big deal. Staying up all night at overnights was the normal in Jr. & HS. This year was not a big deal...but I must confess I had fun. I did stay up all night with my friends. It was snowing and at midnight we ran outside in the snow and lit sparklers.....it was fun. Our evening consisted of Guitar Hero 3 and scrap booking. We had a blast and ended up going to bed at 4:30am! Lots of laughter and that what makes a night!!

I sit here and think about 2008 and dream of what this year will hold, I believe that I am very optimistic for this year. I have to think the best is yet to come. I can't happen to think of last year. In a nutshell 2007 was the hardest years of my adult life. I learned so many lessons and through it all I learned that I am STRONGER that ever before. I am very grateful for it all...the good and hard times. I am grateful for this little gift of time that has catapulted so many friends who love and support me no matter what I do, say, or am. Today, New Years Day was a start of a new year. I hope that this road will be full of wisdom, love, happiness, prosperity, and peace.

A big congratulations to my MIZZOU Tigers who won today!!! They played Arkansas 38-7 in the Cotton Bowl!!!

An even bigger congratulations to my Uncle Gary who was married today. Welcome, Gale to our family!