I had an interesting conversation with a young 11 year old girl about my singleness. My family has two new foster girls living with them. Yesterday, was the first day that I was able to meet the girls. I went to surprise my family in MO. It was a short day trip for a family get together and I was in the glad I went! Later in the afternoon we were sitting around having some "girl time" and my cousin April was telling a story. When the story was done "H" asked my cousin if she was talking about her boyfriend, she said no that was her husband. Then "H" asked me if I had a boyfriend, I informed her "no, I did not have a boyfriend" she said "are you married" and I informed her "no, I am not married". She looked at me funny and said "it sure must be lonely" and I thought this would be a great teaching opportunity to share that you do not have to have a boyfriend or married. I begain to share with "H" that I was not lonely and started to tell her about my job and what I do, so I am single with a purpose. I could tell that she didnt seem to care...so I then told her that I was "ok" and she quickly told me that "you are not ok".
While I know that I am “ok” regardless of what an 11 year old who has known me for just a few hours thinks….it made me sad. I think of how young girls (and big girls) believe that a man will make someone not lonely. It is not that I do not desire to be with my soul-mate and best friend. I have and will continue to pray for him. I believe that God will answer the desires of my heart with that being one. Do I dream and think of my future husband, abso(stinking)lutely! Do I think of my perfect wedding day, oh yes! Just ask my mom or Josie with my random thoughts or ideas. When family or friends of mine get married or have babies, or remarried or have more babies.....and I wait for mine. I think of random Holidays and dream of my own family, etc etc. Yes, I am happy for them I am not bitter and pray that I will never become bitter about others...I would just not be honest if I did not say there is a little some thing it does to me.
I am just not going to settle for anyone but GOD’S PERFECT BEST and I refuse to do the leg work or take advantage of E-harmony free communication weekend. I am not going to switch to a new church or go to the bars like I was once give amazing advise...uggh. Nor am I thinking of being like Paul and being single forever...hello!
I believe when you are 100% complete and satisfied with who you are in Christ, is when you know you are not lonely. I know of many married people who are lonely and have each other. I had a friend one time explain to me that she understood my desires she said it is just like wanting a baby, new job, or other circumstances. We all have desires and being “single” doesn’t mean less or that God is not working on those prayers.
You see for me, it has been a journey. I have had my heart broken over and over again, because I selfishly believed in relationships that were not true or what they seemed to be. I gave my heart away so many times that I thought it would never be fixed or healed. However, it has been restored and for now it is reserved for the only man in my life, for now...
I am finally embracing my singleness. I am a part of a ministry that I would NOT get to be a part of in the role as a Housemother, if I were married. I do not feel my role will be forever but for now this is what God has called and set me apart for to do. I trust in the Lord as I serve Him. Today marks the 1 year anniversary that I said yes to full time ministry. The impact of being in full time ministry is a reminder that God will also restore broken dreams.
It is "ok" to be single, to dream, and have HOPE that God will answer prayers.
