Moving Foward

In my so called "romance life" if you can even call it that, I often find myself in the end with a broken heart and trying to move forward. It is painful getting attached to people as I normally do. I can tell you in the past moving forward isn't as easy as people think it should have been for me. Until the last year, I think it is because for the first time in my life I see what God has in store for me. I have often felt that God may have heard my prayers but I need to attach my Social Security Number at the end of every prayer (uh, I am kidding). I finally made the decision to stop all communication with a former ex. It was extremely hard the first couple of months but he had moved on and was dating someone else. 


I was just grateful he was not in the same town or state. I made the decision for my sanity to tell him that I was done and no more communication. He sort of respected my wishes, and finally left me alone. Weeks turned into months and I was starting to finally find freedom in the pain he caused. The lies he told me and the toxic web he left me in. Now, my part in it is that I knew he was a toxic man, but I wanted to be wanted. It was just like any other abusive relationship where you hear the women stay...because they love him. That was me, except now I know that I didn't love him....I loved the thought of him. I loved the idea of him.....as a different man. The man I knew he had potential to become is what I loved. He contacted me a few months ago and I decided to do something that the old me would have never done. I did not read his email in fact I deleted it before I read it.


I was so proud...and I felt that I for the first time was moving truly forward. I did email him a response to let him know that from the title that all of his belongings were donated to charity. I thought it had been over a year and I needed to use my space. It was kind of ironic that I got rid of his stuff and now he was looking for it all of the sudden. He responded to my email and I once again deleted it, the boy doesn't get boundaries. I am so grateful that I am moving forward. I pray that God continues to heal my past. I am reassured that He knows my future.